My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
