guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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