omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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