Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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