your room smells of hookers.
And success
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
