We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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