took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
