Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
