I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize