They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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