Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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