just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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