Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
