hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
