Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
