I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
