I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
