I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
