you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize