who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
