Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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