mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
