I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sext me about skeletons
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
