im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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