I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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