4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
