it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
