He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
