this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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