What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
