I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
