the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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