i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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