I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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