let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
