How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your cock deserves a montage
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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