So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
two words: eviction party
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
