party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
