I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
