she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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