haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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