I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
