when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
