bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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