I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
