just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
