Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
