I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize