The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
