I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
