I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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