I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am naked and annoyed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
