Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
