Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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