the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
