"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
