Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
