when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
