Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
