But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
